Day One

So I haven't written in my blog for almost a year. Why? 1.) New network security at work meant I couldn't access the site; 2.) my son started becoming mobile; and most importantly, 3.) I wasn't feeling inspired. I have maintained my 30 pound weight loss for almost a year now. But I haven't been able to lose anymore - certainly not at the rate I was going last year. There were many factors affecting this - from my relationship to the weather change to the lack of breastfeeding (boy does that help!). And I would lose 2lbs one week, and then gain it back the next. But still I've maintained the weight loss and I've dropped 2 sizes since last year. But I've known that I'm not there yet. I'm still 25lbs away from the weight listed on my license, so I've still got work to do. Only the same methods weren't working for me. Despite running a 10K and doing a half-marathon this year, I haven't been doing enough . . . so my trainer said it was time to kick it up a notch.

So today is Day 1 of this diet she has me on. The first phase is basically a detox. Now, she asked me to not share it so I'm not giving the details (you can contact her at www.meffitness.com) but basically it involves cutting out the good stuff - carbs, dairy, and sugar - for 30 days and then slowly inserting them back into your diet. Today's the first day and I'm munching on a corn tortilla (those are allowed), downing water, and not really looking forward to my snack of celery sticks. BUT, I'm motivated. It's like when I run - there's a certain point - maybe the first mile or two when I really am not feeling it and I want to give up. But if I push past that point, I'm fine and I can run for 10 miles. Plus, let's be real: this isn't the hardest thing I've ever done. I've donated an organ. I've had a baby. Hell, I've commuted 90 miles one way to work for 3 years. Surely, 30 days without alcohol or tortilla chips or a cookie isn't going to kill me.

But thank goodness I have this outlet.

Ode to My Lime Green Pants

Oh, Lime Green (yellow to some) Capris, how I appreciate you

We met during my September 2008 trip to South Beach Miami. The pants I brought with me had been destroyed when some hairspray exploded in my suitcase. I was so grateful to find you on the clearance rack at the Gap - the right size, right color and fit. I purchased you immediately, and together we strolled out onto Lincoln Road, off to do something touristy.

I wore you a couple times when I was back in California. But soon the weather changed and it was too cold to wear you. By the time Spring came back around, well, I was pregnant and you stayed with the rest of my pre-pregnancy clothes in the back of my closet.

A year later, I tried you again and you didn't fit. In fact, every time I tried to squeeze you on, I got depressed because although I had given birth several months prior, I still couldn't fit you. Then one day, a few months ago, I slid you on and you fit! In fact, you fit well. I even got some compliments. You became a regular staple in my summer wardrobe.

Lime Green Capris, I wore you yesterday. And as much as I love you, I realize we have to depart. Not because it's fall now and you're clearly a summer color. But because I found myself pulling you up several times yesterday. When I stood up after sitting at my desk for a few hours, you were no longer capris because you had slid down to around my ankles. You're too big for me now, Lime Green Capris. And so I should give you to someone else and make room for a pair of light-colored capris in a smaller size.

I will miss you Lime Green Capris! You remind me of the fun I had in South Beach. You are a symbol of summer, happiness and living healthy. But REJOICE Lime Green Capris because this means I am smaller than I was pre-pregnancy! And THAT we can celebrate together before you go off to your new owner.

Dowhatchalike

I have an extreme admiration for people who have found their niche. From the Deadheads to Trekkies, I am in awe of people who have found something they really enjoy. Regardless of how nerdy it might be.

I took my son with me down to Santa Cruz on Labor Day Weekend and we met up with a friend from high school who took us on a hike. Upon arriving at the park in the Santa Cruz mountains, we stumbled upon this medieval reenactment group. They were all dressed up in their armor, with their shields and swords. At first we laughed at them - I mean it was kinda corny. But as we watched them for a bit and spoke with one of them, we began to realize these people were having a really good time.

I've always wanted to find a unique niche for myself. I guess an outsider could look at my life and assume my niche is being in a sorority. I mean, like the medieval people, we wear costumes (letters), use canes, have coordinated dances . . . we travel, compete, etc. It might even be corny to outsiders. I'm not sure if I want that to be my only niche though. It would be nice to find something that my son and I could do together - and something that might be physical so we can continue to incorporate physical activity into our daily lives.

Either way, I realized I really respect people who do what they love to do. Even if it is dressing up like Sir Lancelot and jousting in a park in Santa Cruz.

Halfway There

So I have reached the halfway point of my weight loss goals and have now lost over 20 pounds! We are only at the midpoint and I still have 20 more pounds to go before I'm at my goal weight. So by no means am I done, although I am feeling mighty victorious. Losing 20 pounds was not as hard as I thought it would be - I didn't have to starve myself, I didn't have to eat 2 shakes and a healthy dinner, I didn't have to give up carbs and I didn't have to drink some weird lemonade. I just had to make better decisions about my food choices and work out more consistently. But again, I'm not there so I'm certainly not the spokesperson for weight loss (at least not yet!).

Is there an inverse of the expression: "every cloud has a silver lining"?

I can totally feel the weight loss. My clothes fit better (I'm down a size). I feel a little more comfortable about my appearance in pictures. I have more energy. But I can honestly say/write that I thought 20 pounds would be more dramatic. Which makes me think losing 20 more will not result in the dramatic change I have been anticipating. So though everything is good, it doesn't feel as good as I expected.

Now I didn't embark on this journey because I wanted a reaction from people or I wanted to enter "America's Next Top Model." I embarked on the journey because I was just tired of my weight preventing me from being the best me I can be. I also now want pass on healthy eating and physical activity habits to my son. And I want him to be proud of his mom.

I just wonder when you get to the point where you're satisfied with your appearance? Or maybe you don't ever get there . . . I guess I was hoping this whole journey has an end.

Missing You

I am so close to my 20 pound goal I can taste it . . . even if I didn't lose the .4 lbs I was supposed to lose this week to make it, I know I am very close . . . and now that we're halfway there I am thinking of all the things I have given up that I used to LOVE . . . so I thought I'd share . . .

1. Semifreddo's Cinnamon Twist Bread (at Trader Joe's or Whole Foods)

2. Safeway Select Strawberry Cheesecake Ice Cream

3. Ghiradelli Chocolates

4. Cheeseburgers & fries

5. Chicken sandwiches from Bakesale Betty's

6. A #6 from Wendy's

7. Powdered doughnuts

8. Taquitos

9. Hot Pastrami Sandwiches

10. Chicken McNuggets

Now I COULD eat these things. But I can tell you that I would not be able to each just one. And it's just not worth it.

Doesn't mean I don't want them though . . .

Consignment Incomplete

As you all know, I cleaned out my closet recently. I got rid of things that were a.) unflattering; b.) repetitive; c.) unworn. One of my friends suggested I try to sell some of the clothes. So during my purge I put the unworn or gently used stuff in one pile and the cheap, overused items in another. This weekend, I looked up a few consignment shops in my area, made a list of 4 that had good Yelp reviews and that accepted non-designer clothes (the most high end label in my closet is probably Ann Taylor). Then I put all my clothes in a suitcase and prepared to spend Saturday afternoon on a consignment quest.

My first destination was Crossroads Trading. When I arrived I was actually pretty impressed (I'll probably go back there to do some shopping - they've got a great shoe collection). I was super nervous and as I pushed the stroller with my son in one hand and lugged my suitcase of clothes in the other, across the street to the store, I hoped that they would at least buy enough clothes to pay for the cost of parking on College Avenue.

What I didn't expect was that they would not accept anything. Why? According to the clerk, in really her nicest voice (no sarcasm) my clothes were "out of date from what they were looking for." Now granted I can accept that considering a lot of items had been purchased in 2008 or earlier. And I certainly was no trendsetter in 2008. But it was so HUMILIATING. I mean I already knew I was fashionably-challenged. But that was the FINAL stamp of it.

I sent a text to my friend telling her about my humiliation. I told her I didn't even want to go to any other stores given my embarrassment - and the waste of parking and gas. She suggested I just donate the rest. And so I did. Including the suitcase.

Sign me up for one of those "What-Not-to-Wear-Oprah's-Big-Makeover-How-to-Look-Better-Naked" shows. Please. I'm serious.

Baseball, Jeans and Dreams

So yesterday my friend calls me at work and invites me to accompany him to a baseball game that evening. Seems his clients have a skybox at the Oakland Coliseum and there will be food and drinks and an awesome view of the field. My main concern was whether or not the train would be late getting me home - the game started at 7pm and I wasn't going to get back home until 7pm. It wasn't until I made it back home and saw how chilly it was in Oakland (as compared to the 90 degree weather in Sacramento) that I realized I had not been thinking of my real issue: what the hell do you wear to a baseball game if you're sitting in the skybox?

Usually, when I don't know what to wear, I wear a dress or a skirt. I find that usually works in almost any environment. And I usually look good in a dress or skirt. But considering the weather (and the fact that it WAS a baseball game), I didn't think any of my dresses would be appropriate. I sent out text messages to friends and posted a message on my Facebook page asking for advice. I didn't have a lot of time to try on a bunch of different outfits or run to the mall to get an A's jersey. Everyone pretty much said to wear jeans and layers or a cute top or a t-shirt. Now, that might sound easy to most people but my issue is: I have no flattering jeans.

I have always struggled with buying and wearing jeans. I think I have written in this blog before that I can never find a flattering, affordable pair. And last night, I realized that none of my jeans fit well. They're all loose and don't really do anything for my bottom half. It was then, as I awkwardly struggled into (what I thought) was the least offensive pair, that I vowed to buy another pair when I reached my first weight goal.

This morning in the shower, I realized I have not made my customary list of what I want to do when I reach my first weight goal (I'm thinking it'll be 20 pounds - which is halfway there). So I am thinking about it - I know I want to take pictures with my son, I want to buy some jeans, but I'm not sure what else. But I know I will be celebrating.

By the way, I am about 4 pounds away from my first goal . . .