21 Days

I am a fan of social experiments. I conduct them most often in my romantic relationships with men - the most common being the "What Will Happen if I Ignore his Calls/Texts for 24 Hours?" Always fascinating results. I recently performed one at work. I was reading some notes that my coworker regularly writes up for a meeting. She remarked to me that nobody else read the notes but me. I said, "Let's test that theory." So for about 4 weeks, we included one silly statement in the notes - to see if anyone would notice. No one did. In fact, it wasn't until we added several silly statements (one statement being "Staff discussed which came first, the chicken or the egg. General consensus was the egg preceded the chicken. A workgroup was formed to determine where the egg came from.") that coworkers started to notice. It was pretty fun. It was also successful.

Coming off of the high I just experienced from a successful social experiment on my coworkers, I would like to try one on myself. I would like to test the hypothesis, "Can you really form or break a habit in 21 days?" I am going to take a physical activity habit I would like to adopt, and a eating habit I would like to stop and I am going to try and see if this whole 21 day theory works. If it can work on ME, it can work on anyone because I am QUEEN of not being able to commit to some things. I am not going to reveal the habits I will be starting/stopping (although you might be able to figure it out if you read this blog) but I will check in with you all on May 22 to let you know how it goes.

FML

I had an FML moment recently that I shared with some friends, but I thought I should share it with the world (well, the four people who read this) because that is the nature of FML moments . . .

If you're unfamiliar with "FML" it stands for "F*ck My Life." Those times when something happens to you and you're like, "Sucks to be me" or "Aw crap, really?" There's a whole website devoted to FML moments, where people can share their own. Some are laugh out loud funny. Some are just sad. Here's mine:

I'm walking down the hallway of my building when my elderly neighbor opens her door and says hello to me.

ELDERLY NEIGHBOR: I have some capri pants someone just bought for me that don't fit me. Do you think you might want them?

ME: Maybe. What size are they?

ELDERLY NEIGHBOR: They're a size 22, they'll probably fit you.

ME: Oh, I don't think they'll fit me. They'll be too big.

ELDERLY NEIGHBOR (reaches out and touches my stomach): Are you sure? Even right here? Why don't you take them and try them on?

FML

Weight Watchers and I

When I saw that Jennifer Hudson was the new spokesperson for Weight Watchers I was SOLD. I mean, here was this young woman who always seemed very comfortable with her thickness, talking about weight loss. Add to that she's a new mother and she recently suffered a major personal tragedy with the death of two close family members, including a parent. I mean if there is ANYONE out there I can relate to, it's Jennifer Hudson. Minus the whole singing/acting thing, of course . . .

Then I saw there was a Weight Watchers app for your iPhone. Even more motivation.

I only have one program with this program: the group meetings.

Now believe me, I love to sit around with a group of overweight people talking about our struggles with food. I find it very comforting to know I'm not alone. But what I don't like about Weight Watchers meetings (and really group weight loss in general) is the damn sharing of success.

I realize that just sounds really bad; let me clarify. There's just something about a size 20 person saying, very self-righteously, how she has been able to maintain her diet by eating carrots in the car. I guess I just don't buy it. In these environments, people just want to share all the good they're doing. Last night, Cora talked about how she asked the waiter to bring her 3 glasses of water when she went out for happy hour so she didn't drink the wine. Linda said she went to a birthday party at her favorite restaurant and brought grapes with her so she wouldn't eat anything. Wendy said she went to an A's game this weekend and was able to avoid the hot dogs that she loves so much. We all applauded these people, but frankly, I didn't find what they said encouraging. To me, these stories come off as almost disingenuous and phony. And unrealistic. Where are all the REAL stories? Where are the stories of people who fall, but get back up?

I guess I wanted to hear from someone who drank a little too much at happy hour but got back on the wagon. I wanted to hear that Linda didn't ostracize herself at a birthday party by just eating grapes. I wanted Wendy to say she ate a hot dog. I wanted REALITY.

I do not want to obsess about my weight or food. I want to still enjoy my life, I just want to make better choices. Personally if Cora came to happy hour with me and ordered water, that would be the last happy hour we went to together. I would not invite Cora to my birthday if she was going to bring her own food. And Wendy and I could not go to an A's game because if she started complaining about how miserable she was she couldn't have a hot dog, I would probably go buy her one just to shut her up.

I am going to stick with the program because I am determined to develop some healthy habits and lose some weight. I realize that like Jennifer Hudson, being a parent is really motivating me. I want to be a good example for my son - and I want him to be proud of his mom! So though I may wince when next week Cora, Linda and Wendy raise their hands to tell some story, I will still sit there and hopefully be inspired by someone else who is willing to keep it real.

One Last Hurrah

Now I haven't seen the movie "Leaving Las Vegas" but I understand it's a story of a man who finds out he's dying and goes on one last binge in Vegas. I'm going through a bit of a "Leaving Las Vegas" moment right now.

I'm pretty close to making a firm commitment to a diet and exercise. I have toyed with it over the last few months, but for the most part I've just made some small changes that haven't required too much effort. Now I am proud of those small changes because they've actually turned out not to be too hard, but I know now that I have to make some changes that might actually be harder.

I joined a boot camp my sorhority sister is putting on in May. And I decided to give Weight Watchers a chance again (totally inspired by fellow new mom, Jennifer Hudson and her recent weight loss). But before I totally commit to all of this I want to go on one last hurrah. That means fresh bread and Parmesan garlic spread from the Farmer's Market. It means naps when the baby isn't with me. It means buying lunch at work.

I'm hoping my current "binge" will end better than Nicolas Cage's. Actually I'm sure it will.

Putting Things in Perspective

I think the saying goes, "I complained I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet."

I've watched a few episodes of VH1's "Sober House" and "Celebrity Rehab." They are these reality shows hosted by the very attractive Dr. Drew featuring celebrities trying to get over addictions. Now I know some of the people featured on the shows are barely celebrities and not all have serious addictions - some are trying to restart (or start) their careers. Such is the true reality of any reality show cast. But some of them are obviously addicts. They have all the appearance and mannerisms (and arrest records for some) of any drug/alcohol addict and it's painfully clear these people are really trying to get over their substance abuse.

Watching this show lately has made me feel very frivolous. Here I am complaining about how I can resist strawberry cheesecake ice cream and there are people out there who can't resist hard drugs that do nothing but destroy them, their bodies and their friends. The show puts me in my place sometimes. I am blessed to not have any interest in meth. I am lucky that I love chocolate and not heroin. I have never done anything beyond maybe waste $5 for some chips. Addicts lose their homes, jobs and self respect over some crack.

It makes me think that if there are people out there that can overcome painful histories of addiction, perhaps I can stop eating M&Ms from my coworker's jar at work.

Letter to My Body

My sorhority sister is getting together a group of us who want to lose weight. Serious weight. You got to want to lose more than 25 to be even in the club. She suggested we all start the process by writing letters to our bodies. Here's my attempt.

Dear Body,

I am so disappointed in you. What happened? Now, I know that you have never really been at your best. But for God's sake you've been so much better! Now all I hear from you is how tired you are. How you'd much rather do anything in your free time but exercise. What happened to your energy? What happened to your spunk? What happened to our connection? What happened to my control over you?!?

I remember about 10 years ago in college when you used to thrive off of little sleep. A full day of classes and work was nothing when we were in our early 20s. We still managed to go to the gym. And we felt less pressure to be skinny. We felt good about ourself and it showed to the world. But now after a 12 hour day you are exhausted beyond belief. And you seem to have no desire to do too much about it.

I realize that it's partially me. I'm keeping you deflated. I am feeling so guilty about spending time away from the baby that I think I keep accepting your excuses. But we have to take care of ourself FOR the baby. We want him to be proud of us. We want to be a good role model for him. And we want to be able to run around in the park after him when he finally starts walking.

So let's get back on track, Body. Let's stop making excuses. Let's realize that those yummy foods only make us feel better momentarily. I'll stop being mad at you if you stop ignoring me. Let's love each other again. After all, we can only truly feel better about ourself if we start addressing our flaws.

Love, Jam Rockah