God and Money

I am recognizing that my struggles with trying to drop some pounds (8 so far!) parallel my struggles with overall commitment. My main issues with commitment I have seen manifested in how I handle money and my spirituality. I am realizing these are all related issues.

Like many Americans, I make a pretty good salary but I also have unnecessary debt. Too many times I have shrugged and said "Who cares?" and gone out to eat or purchased a new shirt or bought a round of drinks when I shouldn't have. Of course, I am suffering from it now. But it is a daily struggle to not spend money when I really want to. Just like it is a struggle to not eat a hamburger from Ahn's or a cupcake after dinner.

It all comes down to discipline. I have a hard time with it - I mean, I think I was an okay kid; I obeyed my parents and teachers for the most part (we all have our moments). But when it comes to self-discipline, I just suck at it. I too often go for the good, but fleeting, feeling when I should be looking more towards long-term happiness and satisfaction.

Which leads to my other struggle: spirituality. I wasn't necessarily raised in a religious family - we attended church occasionally and my dad prayed every night. My parents thought that religion was more a personal choice and if we wanted to go to church, they were down, but they weren't necessarily going to force it on us. I also think they had issues with organized religion as a whole. I share this too. I am pro-choice and I don't necessarily think homosexuality is the downfall of society. I've been going to church for the last year off and on though and it's a church that I have really enjoyed, that doesn't spend all the service complaining about abortion and same-sex marriage. But I have been passive. I go to church, I enjoy the service, I clap along with the choir, but for the most part I haven't made any changes in my personal life. I don't know if I feel sometimes God owes me (I've had some real challenges the last 2 years), but I do know that I haven't done my part to make those changes that will make me a better person. This is where the healthy eating comes in. Taking care of myself, eating right, drinking water, doing physical activities - these are all things that show that I love myself. At the end of the day, I think that's what God wants us to do - love ourselves. And we demonstrate love for ourself by taking care of ourselves - physically, financially, emotionally, etc.

So this "Healthy Living" journey I'm on isn't just necessarily fitting my pants or getting down to the weight listed on my driver's license. It's about getting healthy with my bank account, getting healthy with God and developing my overall love for myself.

I can't deny I'm scared. After all, I haven't been able to commit to these issues in the past. The other thing I struggle with is FAITH. And I just have to have enough faith in myself that I can do this. Because I want to go to Heaven AND Jamaica!