The Power Day

The other day I was complaining to my sister about my daily difficulties as a mother. She told me that it would be better once I had a Power Day.

"What's a 'Power Day'?" I asked.

"It's a day every working mother has where everything just goes right. You remember everything, you accomplish everything you planned to accomplish that day and everything just gets better. And you feel like you could totally have another kid. It's a Power Day," she explained.

I thought the concept of a Power Day totally made sense; it gives you a point of reference. Like, if I've completed a marathon, I know that I can run long distances. So I can struggle through runs around Lake Merritt because, hey, I've run a marathon.

This is all to say that I have NOT had a Power Day.

In fact, I've been trying to have one so I can proudly tell my sister that I had one and so that I can feel, well, TOGETHER. Since I've gone back to work, I've gone to bed every night feeling like I have the next day planned out so well that it will TOTALLY be my POWER DAY.

Case in point:

On one of those rare sunny days in February, I woke up feeling good. Got the baby and myself ready on time. In fact I was in a new dress so I was feeling pretty cute. It was even above the knee, and NOT black. I even managed to remember to put on makeup. I got to work early and stopped by Starbucks. And I sauntered in my office, my purse on one arm, my nonfat chai latte in my had, ready to declare this the POWER DAY OF JAMILA.

And then I saw my boss in the hallway. She had on a suit. And suddenly my dream of a Power Day blew up.

See, my job is pretty business casual for the most part. But there's a policy that when we have meetings with the state or with our Board of Directors, we must wear a suit (or at least a jacket). I had forgotten that I was supposed to attend an important meeting with the state that day. And there was no way I could roll into the meeting in my cute little dress.

I was devastated. To the point, that in a meeting with my boss that morning I totally lost it and broke down in tears. That is BIG for me as I have a strict policy against crying at work. I don't know if it was the hormones or what, but I felt just so FRUSTRATED. Mainly because I felt I was really trying and I just couldn't DO IT. My boss, who has a 3 year old, told me not worry about it and said she expected I probably wouldn't have it together for another few weeks.

This morning, the moment I had strapped the baby in his carseat and put it in the car, I realized I had left his milk in my apartment. Then I forgot his pajamas too. My whole drive to work I just felt like such a failure - I know not wearing a suit or forgetting pajamas might seem minor, but it's really frustrating when you're trying to balance a full time job (in a highly competitive atmosphere), a baby, weight loss goals and the other things in life that bring joy, like my sorority and my social life.

My Power Day remains elusive.