Guys and Diets

So what I have realized is there are two types of reactions when a dude hears you're on a diet . . .


There's the "You-Don't-Need-to-Go-On-No-Diet-Girl-You-Look-Good" dude. At first it may appear that this guy is your one true friend. But in reality this is your most selfish friend and he should NOT be trusted. Because this is the dude that probably really enjoys a particular part of your body (most likely your boobs or butt) and is more concerned that a diet will somehow diminish your rump or your cup, than concerned about your health. He probably doesn't notice your muffin top because he's too busy looking at other body parts. Don't trust this man.


But then there's the other the dude. I'll call him Mr. Helpful. Now his initial response to your "I'm on a diet" announcement is "Great! I can train/cook for/lift weights with you." He is probably all about fitness and health himself and has secretly thought for YEARS that you should drop some weight, but never had the guts to tell you. This is also the guy that can be very annoying. Case in point, my coworker is a Mr. Helpful. Here's what happened when we went to lunch last week:

ME: Hey the cafe downstairs now has pastrami sandwiches! I am so getting a pastrami sandwich!
MY WORK MR. HELPFUL: Dude, pastrami is bad. Get a turkey sandwich.
ME: I hate you. How bout I get a salad, you jerk?

I appreciate how a Mr. Helpful reminds me that every meal counts and points out how food that I don't think is that bad is a lot worse than I think. But sometimes I can't stand him - especially my Work Mr. Helpful because last week I really wanted that pastrami. In his defense, the salad I ate was pretty good and I had an unprecedented weight loss last week (I have maintained it for a week, too!).

Here's what happened when another Mr. Helpful took a look in my refrigerator (which mind you, is NOT THAT BAD):

Mr. Helpful: What is this? Salami? Muenster cheese? Olives? Girl, you can't eat ANY of this!

I mean, it's not like he found some soda or ho-hos or corn dogs in there. Are olives REALLY that bad??

In the end, I appreciate the Mr. Helpfuls in my life. They're not Mr. Harps-About-the-Diet-All-the-Time. This is something that my female friends (well, mainly my FAMILY) do more than my male friends. Ms. Harps-About-the-Diet-All-the-Time is the person who is constantly reminding you you're on a diet. She's probably on one too (and you know how misery loves company). She is sending you articles about the difference between trans fat and whatever other fats there are. She is offering you carrots from her little Tupperware container. She is inviting you to Weight Watchers. She just makes it really hard to be around her, because you don't want your diet to be your LIFE. And she is so obsesses with the latest fad (no carbs, points, the lemonade diet, etc.) that she is really hard to even have a convo with.

I appreciate people who are just trying to be, well helpful. And that is the most important part.

(I'm wondering if anyone is going to get my reference to "Guys and Dolls" . . . )