5 Things Not to Do Around Pregnant Women

Except for maybe my sister, I usually am very uncomfortable around pregnant women. I usually smile and say "Look at you!" and walk away. I sooooo have not wanted to get into conversations with people about diapers and varicose veins - I mean I just usually have nothing to bring to the conversation.

So as to ease the discomfort of some of my friends and any potential strangers that may be reading this, I have decided to throw people like me (well, pre-pregnancy me) a bone.

5 Things NOT to Do Around Pregnant Woman

5. Don't Touch My Belly: I can honestly say that there were only 2 people out of the many that have touched me over the last few months that I actually didn't mind. But everyone else, stop touching my stomach. I didn't like it when I wasn't pregnant, I don't like it now. It is also rather cheeky to assume that just because something is sticking out, it's okay to be touched. I mean, no one goes around rubbing women's boobs or butts (at least outside of the club) - why is it okay to rub my expanding uterus?? Please just stop. Plus, it's not like the baby is a circus animal and he's just going to start doing tricks because you've touched my belly. He's his own person - he sleeps, he chills and he doesn't exactly give me advance notice when he plans on vigorously kicking me . . . so more than likely you are not going to feel anything when you touch me. Except maybe my annoyance and a strong desire to get away from you.

4. Don't Feel Compelled to Talk About My Pregnancy: Look, I'm pretty big. You and I both know I am preggers. You don't have to say anything about it. In fact, when it comes to someone like me who is on a first name basis with the folks at Kaiser, I don't especially want to talk about it all the time - I live it. It's around me 24/7. I get absolutely no break from it. In fact, if you'd like to talk about the latest reality TV show or your latest date, I'm all about that.

3. Don't Share Any Pregnancy/Delivery Horror Stories: My level of paranoia is pretty high these days - with reason. So I do not need to hear how your auntie's-best friend's-daughter's-neighbor ended up having triplets when they only saw 1 baby on the ultrasound or how she had 50 hours of labor. Actually nobody wants to hear stories like that so please keep your urban myths to yourself.

2. Don't Provide Any Commentary on the Name of My Unborn Child: OMG, I could really do a whole blog entry on this, because this is my #1 annoyance these days. Look, if I wanted YOUR opinion on a name, I would have asked for it. Jam Rockah has no problem asking others for their opinion. But we spent several MONTHS thinking about what names we like and we chose something that we like and has significance. And frankly YOUR opinion does not matter. In fact if I ask you if you like the name, I'm really just trying to be polite because I don't care if you do and the name I have chosen for MY child has absolutely no relevance in YOUR life. I cannot believe how rude some people are when they issue opinions on name choices. I feel that as long as my name choice does not have an apostrophe or more than one capital letter in it, or does not come from a Disney movie, it's okay. And for the love of all things holy, stop suggesting YOUR name as my baby's name . . . sheesh.

1. Don't Comment that Me or the Baby Look Big: Look, NO ONE wants to hear they're looking as huge as they feel. Okay, maybe some skinny anorexic model is running around talking about how she REVELS in her newfound roundness (bitch). But this is not me and I think I represent about 85% of pregnant women on this issue. So please save your "Wow, that looks like a big baby!" or "You're so much bigger than 7 months . . ." or "You sure you only got one in there?" comments to yourself. They're not funny and you're a jerk. I am most sensitive about this one because in just this week alone, I got these three separate comments. And unless you have OB/GYN after your name, I would say that your observations about my size are pretty asinine.

This is not to say that you can't say or do anything around us . . . I will provide some recommendations on my next entry on what you can do . . .

Market Crash

Since I'm slated to go back to work in 3 weeks, I've been slowly increasing my activity so that I can easily rejoin mainstream society . . . this means driving myself to the doctor, taking short trips to the ATM and attending some events that don't involve a lot of walking or standing.

Tonight, I tried by far the biggest activity I have done since before my surgery in July - I went to the grocery store.

Two words: NEVER AGAIN

Nothing big happened or anything, but man does grocery store shopping SUCK when you have not been on your feet for too long in 6 weeks. Add to that the fact that my back hurts because of the load I'm carrying in the front. On top of the fact that Mondays are among the worst days to grocery shop so I was trying to maneuver around carts and too many people - and I'm not the most flexible these days . . .

And then there's this peculiar sensation that everyone was looking at me. And not in the "Her Hair is Awesome" or "That Outfit is Hot" way. I mean, in the "Dang, she's pregnant" or "That looks uncomfortable" way. I'm 7 months into my pregnancy and I am not used to that. Remember, I haven't regularly been around people in 6 weeks. So I have not become accustomed to the stares (or gawks really). In fact, I'm still a little shocked when I wake up in the morning and catch my profile in the bathroom mirror. Part of my discomfort at the grocery store was not just physical but mental.

Lesson learned. No more grocery trips for me.

Let's be HONEST

Okay, I am quite sure that the List of Things I Vow to Not Do Upon Entering Motherhood will be a long list, and will probably be impossible to actually sit down and write in one setting. But there's one that I have to get off my chest, first and foremost . . .

One of the primary things I am vowing to not do is send out to the masses delivery room pictures. Sure we'll take them and treasure them, and they'll go to family and whomever wants to see them, but I'm just going to be honest when I tell you that delivery room pictures freak me out. The mother always looks exhausted and the baby looks weird. These of course are natural things - after all I hear it is exhausting and your baby does not come out look like it's about to be in a Gerber ad. Even though my arrival is coming around the holidays, I will not be sending out Xmas cards featuring me, him, and his dad all smiles, with the hospital bed and IV cords in the background.

Babies all look the same when they're born. Let's be honest. And it takes a couple months before you can really see what (and who) they're going to look like. With the exception of my niece, I have never seen a newborn baby resemble anyone except, well, a little old man. Like every mother, I plan on showing off my kid. I'm fairly confident, given the gene combination, he'll be a nice looking baby. However, I prefer to arrange his first cover shots when he isn't wrinkled, red, and with a misshapen head from the trip down the birth canal.

So maybe you'll get a New Year's card from me . . .

When Life Gives You Lemons . . .

Okay, I am about to make a comment that : pregnancy is good for your diet.

Let me explain: everyone's experience is different, don't get me wrong. And you're supposed to gain weight and bust out of your clothes - this is the only time you get a pass for being unable to buckle your seat belt. I don't mean because now that you're responsible for another being, all of the sudden you start eating healthy. I mean suddenly those foods that you loved suddenly no longer have a hold over you. In fact, food no longer has a hold over you.

Now granted, I have not seen any pictures of myself (and I AVOID the camera like I'm on America's Most Wanted), so I could look like a cow. I certainly feel like one. But on the other hand, I don't think (and neither does the doctor) that I have gained too, too much weight. And considering the amount of time I am sedentary (not by choice!) that is a surprise.

There are two things that are happening that are preventing my rapid weight gain: my nose and my appetite.

I feel like a damn Bloodhound these days. I smell smells that no one else smells, that never bothered me before. They get stuck in my throat and I cannot even think about food. For example, there's a restaurant in downtown Oakland (it shall remain nameless) that I have frequented a couple times. For some reason, the smell in there just makes me SICK. It doesn't stink, at least not in the traditional sense, but I CANNOT stand the smell. And so I'm just not as hungry.

And then there's the lingering morning sickness. It's not as bad as it was for the first 4 MONTHS, but sometimes it comes in waves. And my stomach says, "You are not putting anything in me, I don't THINK so." So I just don't feel like eating. At the same time, it conspires against me sometimes. For example, for about a week all I have wanted to eat was berry pie. I think I told everyone that I was lusting for some berry pie in hopes they would feel pity and bring me something. I could have eaten berry pie all day (I actually did one day, when someone was nice enough to bring some berry cobbler). Prior to that I was obsessing over an Orange Julius. I even tried making one in my blender (didn't work out). And I almost cried when, after a quick web search, I saw the nearest Orange Julius was in Hayward at the mall. Damn bed rest.

In the end it balances out - the hate of a certain unhealthy restaurant and the love of berry pie have worked out so that I haven't gained too much weight, I don't have gestational diabetes and I didn't have any new cavities at my last dentist visit.

So besides the whole bringing new life into the world benefit of pregnancy, perhaps the choke hold that food has held over me for the last 20 years will loosen up too.

As my friend Jesse says (for no other reason than it sounds cool), "Take that, Sasha Fierce!"

Able was I ere I saw Elba

Yes, folks, that's right, like Napoleon I am EXILED. Not to Elba, just to my house.

About a month ago, I found out that there was some funneling in my cervix and the doctor recommended a cerclage be inserted. The result of that was that I was to be on bed rest for at least 4 weeks - maybe more. Today marks the 1 month anniversary of the cerclage surgery and my exile.

Medically, things have actually been going well. Except for the fact that my lower body is pretty sore from sitting around most of the day, I feel fine. I think the effect of bedrest (or as I call it EXILE) is more mental. With that, I present my lists of the bed and worst parts of being on Exile.

Top 5 WORST Things About Being on Bedrest

5. Inability to push a vacuum: I hate when my carpets look dirty

4. Lack of privacy: Being able to buy, um, personal items at the store is really difficult when you have to ask your mom or your significant other to pick them up.

3. Declining social skills: I'm not around people regularly, so I wonder if I am losing my ability to be the life of the party. Now, I'm not positive I was the life of the party before this, but now I know I'm not . . .

2. Addiction to Facebook: As sad as it is, the main window I have into the world outside my apartment is really Facebook. How I long for people to tell me, via their status updates, what they're doing, what the world is like . . .

1. Disappointment in TV: Normally I am a HUGE TV watcher. Even though I read and am mildly social, I have always enjoyed television. And TV in the summer sucks. There are a few shows that stand out, but for the most part, a girl can only watch reruns of "Seinfeld" and "King of Queens" so much. It is sad because I have always been able to rely on TV to distract me and cheer me up. But now, I seem to be more annoyed by it. And I find myself actually enjoying the most ridiculous reality TV shows (OMG, "Megan Wants a Millionaire"?) . . . so, so sad.

On the other hand, there are some upsides of being down. . . .

The Top 5 BEST Things About Bedrest

5. Inability to vacuum: okay, I hate it when they're dirty, but at least it doesn't reflect on my character or my potential to be a good wife.

4. Telecommuting: When I did my monthly budget, I was amazed at how much money I had saved in gas and other expenses by not commuting to work. I guess Suze Orman is right - eating out really does cost you!

3. The Internet: It is amazing how much stuff there is out there on the 'Net!

2. License to be grouchy: Hey, you try being trapped in your house during the summer. I don't think anyone is looking at me sideways when I'm a bit snarky. And if they are, well, that's pretty selfish considering they have their freedom!

1. Food: By far the best part - that is when people bring me some. I'm not supposed to be on my feet or doing major cooking. So if anyone asks "Is there anything I can do?" I can easily tell them "How bout bringing me some food?" Now that is AWESOME.

I'm making the best of the situation, I think. Despite a couple of grouchy moments, I think for the most part I'm being positive and trying to enjoy my last few months without many demands. My EXILE may get longer, or may end. But as long as I'm here, I at least can try to entertain you with my blog . . .

It Ain't Where You're At, It's Where You're Going

Okay, so I have taken a break from writing in my blog here. Not because I've had writer's block or have given up the journey. But mainly because over the last few months my goals have sort of changed. Oh, I still am trying to be healthy. It's just I'm no longer in control over my, ahem, weight gain or work outs. I'm hoping everyone can read between the lines.

However, this experience, much like the dieting/exercise experience has been FULL of things that make me want to write. To express myself! I have just been a bit uncomfortable with the whole world knowing about this change of events. The general reaction to it has varied between that general happiness that so many women feel about such news (and yes, it seems that women are a lot more into it than men) to overall shock. "You Jamila? You are the LAST person who I thought . . . " Hell, I am the last person I thought that would be taking this path. I believe in my "31 Things to Do Before 31 List" did not include anything like this. But, sometimes life throws you curveballs. Now Lord knows I have had enough major curveballs over the last few years to last a LIFETIME. Shoot, I welcome the dull, the boring, and the routine. However, I guess God has another plan for me that once again does not involve any control whatsoever over my destiny. C'est la vie!

But I digress. It's now a different journey. And I promise not to be corny about it (because, let's face it, except for maybe Jenny McCarthy, so many women are downright CORNY at this stage in their lives). But I have so many things I just need to express about it. From the fact that I seem to be experiencing every single bad side effect (I just thank God I don't have hemorrhoids) to the extreme annoyance that I feel now that people are touching my belly (seriously, it is really annoying).

So the journey is the same - it's just the destination is different (or maybe I have that backwards). But I hope that I'm still able to find some sort of outlet for the many challenges, stresses, and anxieties that this situation has created. Oh, and I hope I'm entertaining too.

Summer, Summer, Summertime

Summer is a good time for living healthy. The weather is warm, so that helps with encouraging me to get outside and get some exercise. And summertime fruit is the BEST! Watermelon, cherries - wide varieties of some of my favorite fruits.

However, there is one aspect of summer that just makes it really hard to try and diet. One word (acronym really): BBQ.

I'm not talking about barbecue in a restaurant. I'm talking about those cookouts and BBQs that you go to, that usually start around Memorial Day and go through Labor Day.

Oh how I love them. I love the smell. I love what seems to be an endless supply of food. I love the paper plates. I love the obligatory DJ or boombox tuned to KBLX.

However, there is no nutrition label on a hot link fresh off the grill. Or ribs. Or even that potato salad that someone made. And there's something about being at a BBQ that makes you overeat - mainly because you can justify it. For example:
1. You're there all day (so you're eating lunch and dinner).
2. You're getting your Cupid Shuffle or Cha Cha Slide on (so you're getting a workout).
3. Plus, it shouldn't go to waste . . .

So while I stock up on fruit and get my iPod ready for a nice walk (two steps forward), I am recognizing that I am probably going to get 2 plates at the next BBQ (two steps back). Oh well.