Friday, May 21, 2010

Keeping the Safety On

So I have mentioned that I know I have certain triggers that make me want to give up on my healthy living journey. I haven't been sure what to do about them until recently. I was watching Oprah and she was talking about this book "Women Food and God" and the author discussed how those of us who have trouble with self-control eat for other reasons than being hungry. Now I know that I have this problem, and I have admittedly not done too much about it. However, very recently I had another one of those Oprah "Aha" self-actualization moments and I feel like I kind of overcame my trigger - I thought of it as keeping the safety on . . .

On Wednesday I had to travel for work and I didn't have a good day. My day started off badly due to a horrible accident on an already packed freeway which rendered me 40 minutes late to a meeting. I may run late in my personal life, but I really try not to at work. Then I had to push my flight back, which of course caused child care issues for my child. Furthermore, the meeting was about an hour behind schedule so my presentation was rushed and I wasn't able to stay for a discussion I really needed to be there for. On top of that, I got a couple negative work-related e-mails. All in all, it just felt like a wasted day. Considering I'm trying so hard to build my reputation back up after being out on bedrest for 2 months and then maternity leave for 3, I felt like such a professional failure. Not to mention guilty for leaving my son for so long.

As soon as my plane arrived back in Oakland, I wanted to eat something bad. I wanted an ice cream sundae from Fenton's, I wanted a chicken sandwich from Bakesale Betty's. I just wanted something that tasted good because I felt so bad. I was standing there waiting for the shuttle to take me to my car wrestling with the little angel and devil on each shoulder. Then I started thinking about the book and Oprah and I realized I didn't really WANT those foods, I wanted to not feel frustrated about my job or being a working mom. And food, no matter how good chocolate or fried chicken is, was NOT going to solve traffic issues, long-winded people who make meetings long, or miscommunications with co-workers.

That was such a HUGE moment for me. I am going to read the book now.

P.S. As I mentioned in a previous blog, I decided I was actually going to commit to something for at least 21 days. So I have been faithfully writing everything I eat down, avoiding any kind of fast food or junk food (unless it is a Weight Watchers brand) and exercising regularly for the past 4 weeks. I'm down 6 pounds! Not that anyone has noticed (or will), but I sure do feel successful!! And I love Weight Watchers (but that's a separate blog entry).

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